A variation of mirroring is discussed in the articles dealing with eliciting values and using trancewords
- that is verbal mirroring. But a better-known variation of mirroring is physical mirroring.
Actually, you've most probably been doing it all your life without knowing it but once you know
how to harness the power of mirroring consciously - its like young Skywalker recognising and
harnessing the power of the Force:).
Notice how people that seem to be engaged in ann interesting conversation - they are excited
about what they themselves are saying, they are about to say and what the other is saying, in
other words, they have rapport - seem to take the same poses, whether sitting or standing up.
When sitting, either side by side or on opposites sides of the table - one leans forward and then
the other leans forward as well, one leans backward and then the other leans backward as well,
they cross their hands in the same manner, tilt their heads similarly, seem to be having similar
side-activities (one playing with his keychain, the other with her pen), etc etc. Are they directing
their actions consciously? No, all their energies and concentration is on the discussion,
everything else happens subconsciously. But actually, they don't even have to be having a
discussion, they may just both be thinking their own thoughts… and still you can see mirroring
going on - they make the same movements almost the same time without seemingly without
having any perceivable interaction with the other person.
What is all this knowledge good for? Well, mirroring can be used as a tool for building rapport.
Being similar or having someone similar in your vicinity creates a feeling of ease, comfort, being
understood, protected (should there appear a threat of any sort, there's two of you now:) etc. So
you can use the power of mirroring to create these feelings in the one you are mirroring, she'll
subconsciously link all those feelings to you (after all, you are the one mirroring her:) and rapport
is going to develop between you without you having lifted a finger (unless she lifted a finger and
you had to mirror her:).
How, whom and from where should I mirror? Whom - that's easy, the girl you want of course:)
How - assuming the same posture, doing the same movements with your hands, in all respects
using your body in a similar fashion to hers. More aspects of mirroring are:
• following - doing the movements after she did them. Note that although your mind screams
"This is stupid! I'm going to get caught! She MUST see me doing the same movements! This is
ridiculous!", don't' listen to it, fight it, it is the voice of the Dark Side!:) Why? Because they
NEVER NOTICE it! Instead, they feel more comfortable and relaxed in connection with you,
and eventually (that's why you even bothered, right?:) - more drawn to you.
• pacing - doing the movements the same time with her. Yes. Sounds impossible? Well it isn't.
Have you ever noticed how you sometimes happened to do the same things at exactly the same
time with another person. Maybe yawn and then have a laugh about it:)? Because you thought it
was accidental? Well it wasn't, you had reached the second stage of mirroring:) (Yawning is not a
good example though, the last thing you want is the girl yawning with you:). But there's nothing
magical all supernatural about doing the movements at the same time, because essentially the
second phase is a stage of transition between the first and the third. In mirroring there's always a
leader and a follower. So far she has been leading you (because you've been following her) but
now you are coming to the stage when YOU will be leading her! And the inevitable stage between
following and leading is pacing - you are doing movements simultaneously.
• leading - if you've done your mirroring right, have followed and paced, then you are ready for a
revelation. You can lead! Try it. Cough. She coughs. Scratch your elbow. Well maybe she'll
scratch her shoulder instead of her elbow, big deal:) In addition to being a tool of building rapport,
you can lead her into doing some pretty fun stuff. Do a movement with your hands
mimicking the parting of legs (this should be associated with something you are talking about, if
it looks strange, she'll notice it and you don't want her conscious attention on your movements,
keep her mind busy with what you're talking about). Watch her legs part:) Have fun:)
Another more advanced aspect, although controversial as to the effectiveness of it, is mirroring
her blinking her eyes and breathing. Being able to mirror her breathing and blinking her eyes is
supposed to create an even deeper rapport, but first of all - trying to see when she breathes might
seem like you staring at her breasts (and you would NEVER do that, would you?:); and secondly
- all the concentration required to detect and match your breathing and blinking with hers will
take away much-needed attention from what she is saying, how is she responding to your
patterns, values, kino etc, so eventually this could do more harm than good.
As to from where to mirror - the most common situation is when you're talking to her. But you
can also try mirroring from a distance, say in a classroom, meeting, night-club or cafeteria, just
make sure she has a chance to subconsciously detect you mirroring her, in other words, she must
be able to see you (so you can forget about mirroring her while watching her take a shower
through a peep-hole:).
Update. A technique of creating instant rapport by "faking" body-language. Tom, ASF: "I just
finished another book about body language, and they mention several times that when someone
is interested in a discussion, they tilt their head slightly. I thought that now that I knew when
someone was interested, maybe I could do the same to "simulate" my deep interest in what they
say. And... it works! When someone's like "and you know, my dog just got a new collar and it fits
wondefully with the living room furniture; the shade of green is just the same as the kid's bedroom
carpet and that's great because..." - usually you would be using a few words they said (dog,
collar, etc) and using the same adjectives (wonderful, great, etc) and ask something making them
continue. But when you tilt your head slightly and do the same thing, it's obvious the impact is
much stronger."
- that is verbal mirroring. But a better-known variation of mirroring is physical mirroring.
Actually, you've most probably been doing it all your life without knowing it but once you know
how to harness the power of mirroring consciously - its like young Skywalker recognising and
harnessing the power of the Force:).
Notice how people that seem to be engaged in ann interesting conversation - they are excited
about what they themselves are saying, they are about to say and what the other is saying, in
other words, they have rapport - seem to take the same poses, whether sitting or standing up.
When sitting, either side by side or on opposites sides of the table - one leans forward and then
the other leans forward as well, one leans backward and then the other leans backward as well,
they cross their hands in the same manner, tilt their heads similarly, seem to be having similar
side-activities (one playing with his keychain, the other with her pen), etc etc. Are they directing
their actions consciously? No, all their energies and concentration is on the discussion,
everything else happens subconsciously. But actually, they don't even have to be having a
discussion, they may just both be thinking their own thoughts… and still you can see mirroring
going on - they make the same movements almost the same time without seemingly without
having any perceivable interaction with the other person.
What is all this knowledge good for? Well, mirroring can be used as a tool for building rapport.
Being similar or having someone similar in your vicinity creates a feeling of ease, comfort, being
understood, protected (should there appear a threat of any sort, there's two of you now:) etc. So
you can use the power of mirroring to create these feelings in the one you are mirroring, she'll
subconsciously link all those feelings to you (after all, you are the one mirroring her:) and rapport
is going to develop between you without you having lifted a finger (unless she lifted a finger and
you had to mirror her:).
How, whom and from where should I mirror? Whom - that's easy, the girl you want of course:)
How - assuming the same posture, doing the same movements with your hands, in all respects
using your body in a similar fashion to hers. More aspects of mirroring are:
• following - doing the movements after she did them. Note that although your mind screams
"This is stupid! I'm going to get caught! She MUST see me doing the same movements! This is
ridiculous!", don't' listen to it, fight it, it is the voice of the Dark Side!:) Why? Because they
NEVER NOTICE it! Instead, they feel more comfortable and relaxed in connection with you,
and eventually (that's why you even bothered, right?:) - more drawn to you.
• pacing - doing the movements the same time with her. Yes. Sounds impossible? Well it isn't.
Have you ever noticed how you sometimes happened to do the same things at exactly the same
time with another person. Maybe yawn and then have a laugh about it:)? Because you thought it
was accidental? Well it wasn't, you had reached the second stage of mirroring:) (Yawning is not a
good example though, the last thing you want is the girl yawning with you:). But there's nothing
magical all supernatural about doing the movements at the same time, because essentially the
second phase is a stage of transition between the first and the third. In mirroring there's always a
leader and a follower. So far she has been leading you (because you've been following her) but
now you are coming to the stage when YOU will be leading her! And the inevitable stage between
following and leading is pacing - you are doing movements simultaneously.
• leading - if you've done your mirroring right, have followed and paced, then you are ready for a
revelation. You can lead! Try it. Cough. She coughs. Scratch your elbow. Well maybe she'll
scratch her shoulder instead of her elbow, big deal:) In addition to being a tool of building rapport,
you can lead her into doing some pretty fun stuff. Do a movement with your hands
mimicking the parting of legs (this should be associated with something you are talking about, if
it looks strange, she'll notice it and you don't want her conscious attention on your movements,
keep her mind busy with what you're talking about). Watch her legs part:) Have fun:)
Another more advanced aspect, although controversial as to the effectiveness of it, is mirroring
her blinking her eyes and breathing. Being able to mirror her breathing and blinking her eyes is
supposed to create an even deeper rapport, but first of all - trying to see when she breathes might
seem like you staring at her breasts (and you would NEVER do that, would you?:); and secondly
- all the concentration required to detect and match your breathing and blinking with hers will
take away much-needed attention from what she is saying, how is she responding to your
patterns, values, kino etc, so eventually this could do more harm than good.
As to from where to mirror - the most common situation is when you're talking to her. But you
can also try mirroring from a distance, say in a classroom, meeting, night-club or cafeteria, just
make sure she has a chance to subconsciously detect you mirroring her, in other words, she must
be able to see you (so you can forget about mirroring her while watching her take a shower
through a peep-hole:).
Update. A technique of creating instant rapport by "faking" body-language. Tom, ASF: "I just
finished another book about body language, and they mention several times that when someone
is interested in a discussion, they tilt their head slightly. I thought that now that I knew when
someone was interested, maybe I could do the same to "simulate" my deep interest in what they
say. And... it works! When someone's like "and you know, my dog just got a new collar and it fits
wondefully with the living room furniture; the shade of green is just the same as the kid's bedroom
carpet and that's great because..." - usually you would be using a few words they said (dog,
collar, etc) and using the same adjectives (wonderful, great, etc) and ask something making them
continue. But when you tilt your head slightly and do the same thing, it's obvious the impact is
much stronger."
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