The Secret to Good Listening

Here’s a dirty little secret: almost everyone is a little bit shy and selfconscious
some extent. If they’re talking to you because they think you’re a
person of high value (as a woman will think if she’s attracted to you and making
conversation), they will feel good if they believe they have earned your attention.
To instill in others the feeling they’ve earned your attention, look for the
deeper meaning in what people are telling you. Once you’ve figured that out,
address what they’re really communicating.
Let’s say someone says to you, “What percentage of our genes do you
think we share with chimpanzees?”
What’s the deeper meaning there? Superficially, they’re testing your
knowledge. But the real meaning here is that they’re trying to show off their
knowledge and amaze you with a cool fact.
Suppose you’re a well-read guy and remember seeing something in
National Geographic about how humans and chimps have about 98.5% of the
same genes. Should you say, “98.5%”?
No. Alphas don’t play other people’s games.

A much better response would be, “I don’t know, we couldn’t be all that
similar. Is it 50%?” The person will then feel like they have earned your attention
when you tell them how interesting it is that it’s 98.5%.
(If you feel like you need to display your intelligence, you’re seeking the
other person’s approval and that’s a sign that you have low status.)
Suppose someone tells you they just went to Panama City Beach. They
say that because they feel excited about the trip they’ve just gone on and they
want you to share in that excitement.
So the worst thing you could do would be to one-up them by saying, “Man,
that’s nothing. You should see the beaches and waves in Hawaii!” That
statement shows you’re indifferent to the other person and makes them feel like
they’re not all that special.
Instead, get them talking about the things they enjoyed about Panama
City Beach. Say, “Sweet! I’ve wanted to go there. I’m curious; what was your
favorite part of the trip?”
And even though alpha males interrupt when they need to, try not to
interrupt people when they are talking about something that is interesting to you.
And don’t worry too much about it when people interrupt you. People
interrupt because they are highly involved in the conversation, which is exactly
what you want.
When talking, be focused on them rather than yourself. Look at the
reasons for what people are saying and then validate those reasons. This
conveys your strong sense of inner contentment and makes you more attractive
and likable in their eyes.
Genuinely think about what a woman says and be interested. Every girl is
a new exploration, and you have so much to discover about her. So take your
time in your conversations and be a good listener.